What it would feel like to come home.
Being monitored and watched over at the hospital for four days put me in a comfort zone. I was content being a mom with a staff of nurses behind me. Got it. No problem. Eight hands, one baby? Lets do this. But upon discharge there was this feeling like I was being fed to the wolves! It didn't quite hit me until we walked into our apartment for the first time toting our little baby carrier and precious cargo. I took Clark out to give him his first tour and when I got to the nursery I almost broke down with the weight of it all. The fact that this little guy was our responsibility and he was so tiny and vulnerable, and I have no idea what I'm doing, and I'm tired and healing and scared. Compound that with postpartum hormones and you have the recipe for one weepy new momma.
Thankfully, my mom came to stay with us that night, and, as moms do, she took care of everything so I could just focus on figuring out this new hat I've just put on. Being thankful for mothers was among the top of my list of things to be grateful for this Thanksgiving for sure.
Since then I've slowly become more comfortable being this baby boy's mom. We're still learning about each other and adjusting to life together and, while it can be hard, I'm trying my best to appreciate and love the times I get to hold this little boy and rock him back to sleep at 3am.
We love you Clark. We couldn't be happier that you're here to stay.